


When We Were Young

by Angel_made_of_scars



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, School Reunion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-24
Updated: 2016-02-24
Packaged: 2018-05-22 13:57:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6081921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angel_made_of_scars/pseuds/Angel_made_of_scars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wasn't gay. He wasn't. Or... He couldn't be. Dean deserved to know why. He should never have said those things all those years ago.</p><p>High school reunion au inspired by a song of the same name.<br/><strike>I also saw some requests deep in the tags of tumblr for insecure Cas instead of insecure Dean so...</strike></p>
            </blockquote>





	When We Were Young

 

* * *

 

_Everybody loves the things you do_  
_From the way you talk to the way you move_  
_Everybody here is watching you_  
_Cause you feel like home, you're like a dream come true_

  

* * *

 

Castiel watched as Dean walked around the room easily. A dozen people already had recognized him, and he had spent time with each one. Castiel sipped his drink and stood in the corner, making sure no one approached.

Dean was as gorgeous as he had been back in school, but more so now. His freckles were still there, but a little lighter compared to his tan skin. His face had evened out, and he had a jaw that could cut steel. Though he was taller, and more muscular, the way he walked with confidence, and a bit of a bowlegged gait, hadn't changed a bit.

It was still incredible how he himself hadn't changed very much. Sure, he had gotten a bit of muscle, and his stomach had gotten smaller until he was pretty good looking. It was t that though. That wasn't important. He was still Castiel.

He worked in an office. He ate salads and microwave dinners. He never had any desire to drink like Dean had back in high school. Though, he wasn't drinking now. Castiel was.

He watched the tall man by his side, towering over him. His long hair bobbed when he laughed, and Castiel clenched his jaw. It had to be Deans husband.

"Are you going to talk to him?" Meg asked.

Meg had been Castiels only friend after the incident. She didn't care one way or the other about the fight. She liked gossip though, and soon Castiel had realized she wasn't that bad.

"I will eventually. I don't want to ruin his night." Castiel said quietly.

"You won't. That is, if you explain yourself."

"Are you sure about this?"

"I wouldn't have encouraged you if I wasn't. Besides, you drove yourself here. You're sure too, you're just getting nervous." Meg said easily.

Castiel took a deep breath. She was right, as always.

"Alright... Alright, wish me luck."

 

* * *

 

_But if by chance you're here alone_  
_Can I have a moment before I go?_  
_Cause I've been by myself all night long_  
_Hoping you're someone I used to know_

 

* * *

 

"Dean?" Castiel said quietly. Dean swing around quickly, and his smile dropped.

"Can you give us a minute Benny?" Dean asked. The buff man nodded and walked away. Castiel remembered him vaguely. He had moved from New Orleans.

"Hi Castiel." Dean said stiffly. The man by his side smiled, but it was forced.

"I'm Castiel, I don't think I've met you." He said quickly, sticking out his hand to the taller man.

"Right, I'm... Adam. I'm Deans- I'm here with Dean." He said awkwardly. Complicated then, Castiel figured.

"Dean, may I talk to you privately?" Castiel asked.

"No. You say what you need to say Cas, God knows you did before." Dean snapped. He couldn't help it.

"I-I just need to... I only came here to apologize. To make things right. It's been twenty years Dean. It's been too long, and since you still remember that fight, I would think it hurt you enough that I don't deserve to be forgiven, but I wanted to explain. Please." Castiel said quietly.

A few people were watching already. Castiel was immediately reminded of all those years ago.

 

* * *

 

 _You still look like a movie_  
_You still sound like a song_  
_My God, this reminds me_  
_Of when we were young_  
_Let me photograph you in this light_  
_In case it is the last time_  
_That we might be exactly like we were_  
_Before we realized_  
_We were sad of getting old_  
_It made us restless_  
_It was just like a movie_  
_It was just like a song_

 

* * *

 

Cas was just getting settled in to his lunch when a tray slammed down beside his. He looked up and swallowed hard on the piece of food in his mouth, almost choking himself.

"Why don't you like me anymore?" Dean asked.

"What?"

"We were friends. Then, I kissed you, and you just left me." Dean said quietly.

"Dean, I'm not gay. I keep saying that. I'm sorry for how things turned out, I am. But I can't... I can't talk to you anymore, now that I know you like me like that. I'm uncomfortable around you, so... You need to move." Castiel said.

"No, tell me why!" Dean snapped. He grabbed Castiels wrist, and Cas jerked away, standing up. A few people turned to look at him, but he was too focused on Dean to care.

"Dean, I'm not gay! Therefore, I'm not interested in you. Why won't you listen?" Castiel snapped.

"Because I know you are, Cas." Dean said quietly.

"Yeah? How would you know?!" Castiel yelled. Dean looked sheepish.

"Cas, sit down. You're attracting a crowd." Dean said quietly.

"No, you tell me why you are so determined to get with me."

"Because... You left your journal open?" Dean said. Castiel stomach dropped.

"I was at your house, and I'd never seen it, and it was open on your desk. I meant to close it, but I saw my name, and... Then I found out you were feeling... feelings for me. I really like you too, so I just went for it." Dean said.

"I'm not gay. It was a joke, the book was a joke." Castiel said quickly. Dean stood up too, and Castiel backed up. Now teachers were watching.

"Cas, I kissed you. Now, I've been waiting weeks. I thought you were just scared, that you'd get used to the idea of us being more and come around. I know you're into me, you know I'm into you, so why are you still ignoring me?" Dean asked.

"Why can't you just stop? I don't like you Dean! We used to be friends. That's over. That was over the minute you kissed me."

"Why? Why can't you just stop pretending?!"

"Because I'm not gay! It was a phase! I don't like you Dean! Besides... Being gay is wrong." Castiel snapped. He got few whispers across the room from people watching, but he didn't back down.

"It's not Cas."

"Who told you it wasn't wrong?! Your mother? Your dad?!" Castiel yelled. Deans face fell. He knew it was a dick move, Deans dad hated the idea of him being gay, but it just came out, and he wasn't apologizing now.

"Know what? Fuck you. Why are you so afraid of being attracted to me?! Why are you such a hypocrite?!" Dean snapped.

"Because I have to be!" Castiel yelled.

Everyone was silent. You could have heard a pencil drop in the room. Even the teachers were staring, ready to intervene if needed, but waiting to see how things went.

"What do you mean you have to be?" Dean asked. Castiel didn't answer.

"No one is forcing you to be a homophobic dick Castiel. You know what, maybe you were right to tell me to stay away." Dean snapped. He winced at his full name and looked around. Shit, people were filming.

Castiel ran the other direction. He ran back to his locker and grabbed his stuff. He ran until he was home. There, he slammed the door and went to his mom. He told her he wanted to be homeschooled.

 

* * *

 

_I was so scared to face my fears  
Nobody told me that you'd be here_

 

* * *

 

"Go on Sam. You can go talk to that girl. I saw you eyeballing her." Dean said.

"Dean, I wasn't eyeballing her, she was using sign language. I was reading." Sam said quickly.

"Sure buddy, go on."

"She was talking about my hair!"

"Great, go defend your honor, nerd!" Dean shot back, pushing him away.

"Sam?" Castiel said.

"Yeah."

"Adam-"

"No."

"Ok. So... Should we go outside?" Castiel asked.

"No, I think we can talk right here. Go ahead." Dean said. There was an edge to his voice, and Castiel swallowed nervously.

"Do you remember what I said?" Castiel asked.

"Yeah, I've replayed it in my head enough times."

"I-I said I had to be that way, I had to turn you down-"

"No, you didn't explain. You just said you "had to be" and ran." Dean snapped.

"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I brought your family into it. It's been so long, I don't remember parts of it, but I can explain why, and I can hope that's enough." Castiel said.

"Hurry up Castiel, you're stalling."

"I know, I... I was scared. I'm still scared. It's hard to speak even now. I was scared, that's why I was a hypocrite. That's what you called me, and that's stuck with me. You called me a homophobic hypocrite. I was scared of my family finding out." Castiel said in a rush.

"Why?"

"Dean, do you remember my mother? My father couldn't care less, but my mother? I had older siblings Dean, and they and my mother are very religious. When my brother came out, they mocked him. They threw him out, tore apart his room and possessions before he could get them, and made sure he had no one to turn. They act like he was never even there." Castiel said.

Deans eyes were softer now. Castiel stopped and looked at him, and a flicker of hope lit up in his chest.

"Dean, I was scared. I'm still terrified of my mother. Back then though, I would have had nowhere to go if I had... If I was accepting of your affection." Castiel said.

"What about yours?"

"What?"

"Your affection Cas. Are you still attracted to me?" Dean asked.

"Well you're very attractive-"

"No, Castiel. You know what I'm asking. Are you ready to admit that you might be gay?" Dean asked.

"I-I honestly don't know. I tried to tell my mother once, but she... I've sort of... Ignored it." Castiel said.

"But it's still there? The feelings for men? That ain't a phase Cas." Dean said. Castiel smiled.

"What?"

"You called me Cas."

"Yeah, well... I'm starting to believe you." Dean said. Cas nodded.

"I'm not living with my mother or siblings anymore, I'm living with Gabriel, the brother they banished. They don't know that though." Cas said. Dean nodded.

"Cas, what did your mother do, when you tried to tell her?" Dean asked.

"She mocked me, threatened me. She brought me up on the stage at church and called me a sinner, made me be blessed with holy water and made me pretend to be "healed" of my urges. Then, she said she'd do exactly what she did to Gabriel if I didn't change. So I changed." Cas summarized.

"I'm sorry." Dean said.

"You shouldn't be. You tried to show me love and I threw it in your face with no reasoning." Cas said quietly.

"You did have a reason. Granted, I would have appreciated that years ago, but I'll take it now." Dean said. He put a hand on Cas' arm, and Cas looked up at to meet his eyes. Still as green as they used to be.

"Cas, I was going to ask you to prom. Then everything happened. I never got a dance. Want to fix that?" Dean asked.

Cas looked around and sure enough, people had started to dance to the slow music that played.

 

* * *

 

_And I swear you'd moved overseas_  
_That's what you said when you left me_  
_You still look like a movie_  
_You still sound like a song_  
_My God, this reminds me_  
_Of when we were young_  
_Let me photograph you in this light_  
_In case it is the last time that we might_  
_Be exactly like we were before we_ _realized_  
_We were sad of getting old, it made us restless_  
_It was just like a movie_  
_It was just like a song_  
_When we were young_  
_When we were young_  
_When we were young_  
_When we were young_

  

* * *

 

"Dean, I don't know if that's a good idea. I just came to apologize, I didn't mean to-"

"What, get invested in me again?"

"Dean, I'm still not... I'm still scared. My mother thinks I'm dating a nice girl, my siblings are ready to bury me any chance they get-"

"Then screw them Cas. You're family isn't always who you need to turn to. They don't sound like family, anyway." Dean said sternly.

"But their my blood relatives."

"Doesn't mean they're family Cas. Family doesn't end with blood, and it sure doesn't begin with it either. It begins with respect, and they've got none for you." Dean said.

Cas blinked in surprise. Dean sure didn't hold back.

"You want that dance or not?" Dean asked.

Cas took his hand.

 

* * *

 

_It's hard to admit that everything just takes me back_  
_To when you were there, to when you were there_  
_And a part of me keeps holding on just in case it hasn't gone_  
_Cause I guess I still care, do you still care?_

 

* * *

 

"You know, I stayed mad at you a long time." Dean said, as he lead Cas to the dance floor. People watched, and Cas bit his lip.

"You ok?" Dean asked.

"I'm wonderful. Just... Nervous."

"You've got to let it go Cas. You've stuffed everything your mom said deep down inside, and it's poisoning you. Just let it go and dance with me." Dean said. Cas nodded, and took a deep breath.

Dean put his hands on Cas' shoulders, despite being taller, and Cas put his hands on Deans hips. His heart jumped in his chest.

"As I was saying, I was mad at you. I stopped being mad, I just eventually chalked it up to you being homophobic and hoped I wouldn't bump into you again." Dean said. Cas nodded, knowing there was more.

"Then, I saw you. I was out with my brother, Sam, the tall one, and... I saw you walking home from work I guess. You had on this long tan coat. I knew it was you." Dean smiled.

"I didn't see you." Castiel said.

"Because I didn't want you to. I didn't know what to say, so I dragged my brother inside a building and waited until you got on a bus. But I thought one thing. I though, man, I struck out." Dean said quietly. Cas smiled and ducked his head.

"Really?"

"Yeah. God, you're amazing looking, and you're voice, I only heard that tonight but damn. But... I ran. I brought back the memories, and I started to get pissed again before I realized, what's the point?" Dean said.

"I'm so sorry Dean-"

"Shush, I'm not done." Dean said. Cas ducked his head, looking at his feet. He had to concentrate on swaying with the music anyway.

"I came here tonight with my brother, and told him to give you the wrong name. Maybe be a little too friendly if he saw you. I sort of wanted to make you jealous. Then, you came to me and started talking. I guess I just couldn't keep letting you think I was taken, even if I was still upset."

"You're not taken, then?" Cas asked. Dean chuckled.

"No, I'm single. You are too, I guess?" Dean asked.

"Yes. Like I said, my mother-" Cas stopped, his fingers tightening on Deans hips. Then he relaxed again.

"She thinks I'm dating Meg Masters. She's here somewhere. But no, I'm not dating anyone." Castiel said.

"Hmm, interesting." Dean said. Castiel smiled as they swayed to the music.

 

* * *

  

_It was just like a movie_  
_It was just like a song_  
_My God, this reminds me_  
_Of when we were young_  
_Let me photograph you in this light_  
_In case it is the last time that we might_  
_Be exactly like we were before we realised_  
_We were sad of getting old, it made us restless_  
_Oh, I'm so mad I'm getting old, it makes me reckless_

 

* * *

 

"Dean, if I was... Ready... If I could find the courage to tell my mother to- to go screw herself, then would you be willing to try again?" Cas asked quickly. Dean smirked.

"You asking me on a date Cas?"

"No, I'm not. But... If tonight went well... Maybe I would be." Cas said shyly.

"Well... I'd say, we could certainly arrange something. But only if you promise to stop listening to your family. I mean it, only if you stop internalizing this stuff. I can't deal with another rejection Cas." Dean said seriously.

"Of course, I promise." Cas said quietly.

"Well then yes. I'd say I'm willing to try again." Dean said. Castiel smiled for real, and Deans lips curled up into a grin as well.

"Can I kiss you Dean?"

"Yeah, I think I'd like that."

 

* * *

  

_It was just like a movie_  
_It was just like a song_  
_When we were young_

* * *

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I just wrote this up in like an hour so any mistakes are because I didn't take much time, but it was a quick idea and I just wanted to get it out. There were some issues with italics and the lines in between since I wrote on mobile so it you see anything, alert me and I'll fix it. I've fixed it on desktop now but I still don't completely trust my coding or rich text.


End file.
